Fake Trees = Death wish. 'Cause I'll kill you.
*sigh* This is a response to a comment I received on my last post dealing with the removal of my Christmas tree. As well-intended as it was, I must say that fake trees are just not cool. At least not for anyone my age. I will probably get a fake when I'm mega old, like 40 (can I just say that this particular link is one of the most confusing pages ever? I mean, what is this guy going for here?), but until then I'm rockin' it real style. To me, fake trees are like gas fireplaces. They're like the whores of the Christmas world.
...Wait. Maybe real trees are like whores? You pay for 'em once and they only stay so long, then they're gone forever. Hmm. This is a conflicting thought for the ideology of a married man.
Either way, as long as my able body can haul a real tree, I'm going real. Also, it should be noted that if you have children, are planning on having children, or are simply reaching child-bearing age and have an IQ of 100 of higher (no one else should be allowed to duplicate themselves tax-free), a real tree is a deterrent to children touching/grabbing/dropping/eating those expensive family heirloom ornaments. Trust me, I've seen a handful of kids lately reek havoc on some nice ornaments because the tree didn't stab them back. That's why I only get Colorado Blue Spruce. Sure, my hands look like a gross cross between leprosy and measles for a few days after putting the lights on, but nothing beats that fresh pine smell and that built in ornament theft deterrent.
...Wait. Maybe real trees are like whores? You pay for 'em once and they only stay so long, then they're gone forever. Hmm. This is a conflicting thought for the ideology of a married man.
Either way, as long as my able body can haul a real tree, I'm going real. Also, it should be noted that if you have children, are planning on having children, or are simply reaching child-bearing age and have an IQ of 100 of higher (no one else should be allowed to duplicate themselves tax-free), a real tree is a deterrent to children touching/grabbing/dropping/eating those expensive family heirloom ornaments. Trust me, I've seen a handful of kids lately reek havoc on some nice ornaments because the tree didn't stab them back. That's why I only get Colorado Blue Spruce. Sure, my hands look like a gross cross between leprosy and measles for a few days after putting the lights on, but nothing beats that fresh pine smell and that built in ornament theft deterrent.
posted by Dave LaGory at 16:13
2 Comments:
We're getting a real tree next year, my mom finally won her battle with my dad fo rit
I actually prefer real trees, truth be told, save for the fact that I'm deathly allergic. The lack of needle cleanup is a nice bonus, though.
Also, I think it's your moral duty as a married man to spend more time thinking about whores. What?
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