Wicka-wicka-what?
As I said in a previous post, I had more to say but would save it for another day. A day when I had not-so-much to say already. Well, despite the fact that that's been almost every day since, I haven't gotten around to posting what I wanted to. Until now. Not so much because I was suddenly driven to post, since only two people still read this occaisionally (quite possibly both being myself), but because what I was gonna post about came up again in dramatic fashion. I would have it no other way.
My post was going to be a sort-of response kind of post, in regards to a certain young lady's post from ... well, I think it was like a month ago now. Man. Time flies when you're not posting. Anyway, as you can see from this post, the question stated is what kind of superhero/villain you'd be. Ah, yes, the age-old question.
I have an answer. A finely tuned answer, no less. Almost year and a half ago, I asked everyone at work this very question: If you were superhuman, what would your powers be, and what would your super weapon be? I allowed two powers. There was another stipulation, but I can't remember what it was. Anyway, two powers, a weapon, and a cause.
But I didn't stop there. No no no, that would have been making just casual conversation. I took everyone's supercharacter and I made them duke it out. We created drawn-out scenarios of what would happen if they found themselves at odds with eachother. And you know what I noticed? The quiet people I work with really really get into defending themselves when they have superpowers that don't exist. I mean, they're out for blood. Seriously.
You might call me a huge nerd, but I ask you this: How many times have you gotten paid for demanding that two people pick superpowers, and then make up battle sequences? I even went as far as to involve my favorite customers in on this. And one of them, I kid you not, was a sixty-some-odd cancer-surviving stroke victim who moved really, really slow and refused to wear three piece suits even though I assured him it'd help his chances with the ladies. True story.
I digress.
The powers I chose were the ability to control/manipulate (but not create) water, and super speed. I know everyone picks flying first, but think about it. With super speed you can probably run on water, and when that fails, just freeze a cloud or two to run on. Plus, there's almost always enough moisture in the air to consolidate into an icy step (I would imagine. Haven't acutally tested this theory). I would just have to be very nimble so as not to super-slip. And with people being composed of 75% water, Guess what? Oh, forgot my change, waitress? How's it feel to be 75% boiling? Hey, Bowling alley guy, wrong size shoes. Hope you don't fall over and shatter now that you're 75% ice. Biatch. I'm out.
Now the creme de la creme, as it were: my super-weapon. My super-weapon is super-awesome. I'm sure you'll concur. I chose a United States government-issued one hundred dollar bill mint press, complete with inks and that funky fibery paper stuff they use for bills. In my downtime, I print off whatever money I need. Enemies approach? Enemies not composed of water? (I'm certain my archnemesis would be a master robot-builder) Well then, Guess I'll just have to super-smash his face in with the one hundred dollar bill mint press plates! Heck yes they're heavy-duty. Now that's a weapon. Why not a thousand dollar bill press? Or a million-dollar bill press? Because I'm not all shallow and greedy like all you people. Shame.
My post was going to be a sort-of response kind of post, in regards to a certain young lady's post from ... well, I think it was like a month ago now. Man. Time flies when you're not posting. Anyway, as you can see from this post, the question stated is what kind of superhero/villain you'd be. Ah, yes, the age-old question.
I have an answer. A finely tuned answer, no less. Almost year and a half ago, I asked everyone at work this very question: If you were superhuman, what would your powers be, and what would your super weapon be? I allowed two powers. There was another stipulation, but I can't remember what it was. Anyway, two powers, a weapon, and a cause.
But I didn't stop there. No no no, that would have been making just casual conversation. I took everyone's supercharacter and I made them duke it out. We created drawn-out scenarios of what would happen if they found themselves at odds with eachother. And you know what I noticed? The quiet people I work with really really get into defending themselves when they have superpowers that don't exist. I mean, they're out for blood. Seriously.
You might call me a huge nerd, but I ask you this: How many times have you gotten paid for demanding that two people pick superpowers, and then make up battle sequences? I even went as far as to involve my favorite customers in on this. And one of them, I kid you not, was a sixty-some-odd cancer-surviving stroke victim who moved really, really slow and refused to wear three piece suits even though I assured him it'd help his chances with the ladies. True story.
I digress.
The powers I chose were the ability to control/manipulate (but not create) water, and super speed. I know everyone picks flying first, but think about it. With super speed you can probably run on water, and when that fails, just freeze a cloud or two to run on. Plus, there's almost always enough moisture in the air to consolidate into an icy step (I would imagine. Haven't acutally tested this theory). I would just have to be very nimble so as not to super-slip. And with people being composed of 75% water, Guess what? Oh, forgot my change, waitress? How's it feel to be 75% boiling? Hey, Bowling alley guy, wrong size shoes. Hope you don't fall over and shatter now that you're 75% ice. Biatch. I'm out.
Now the creme de la creme, as it were: my super-weapon. My super-weapon is super-awesome. I'm sure you'll concur. I chose a United States government-issued one hundred dollar bill mint press, complete with inks and that funky fibery paper stuff they use for bills. In my downtime, I print off whatever money I need. Enemies approach? Enemies not composed of water? (I'm certain my archnemesis would be a master robot-builder) Well then, Guess I'll just have to super-smash his face in with the one hundred dollar bill mint press plates! Heck yes they're heavy-duty. Now that's a weapon. Why not a thousand dollar bill press? Or a million-dollar bill press? Because I'm not all shallow and greedy like all you people. Shame.
posted by Dave LaGory at 23:03
4 Comments:
um. your blog makes me laugh. and choke on gum. so good job.
yep.
hey, wait, why did you say everyone picks flying first? Are you saying that flying isn't good enough? Are you calling me lame b/c i choose flying as my superhero power?
Don't you judge me!
Believe it or not, the paper money is printed on is derived from denim. So don't fall for the synthetics. Polyester should only be used to make lesiure suits.
Engi
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