Sorry, but you're not. Not unless you're me, and last time I checked, I was busy filling that position. And I'm darn good at it, so don't think you're going to be able to convince anyone to fire me and give it to you.
*ahem*
Allow me to set the atmosphere. Imagine a very arid desert, rocky and all full up on canyonesque features, but limited only to a yellowish color. None of that pretty red or sediment-striped rock here, just drab desert. So for whatever reason, I found myself traveling to/through this area for some extent of time, finding little outcrops of people scattered all over, with one general thing to say about it: "D@*! the man!," or something of the sort. Basically what they were really trying to say was that there was some central governmental/empirialistic body that had a monopoly on the water supply and hadn't gotten enough hugs growing up and so they didn't really feel the need to share a whole lot. I could imagine that this would be harsh in a severe desert climate. Heck, could imagine? I did. That's what I'm talking about.
Anyway, through my travels (which I now remember I was traveling through the desert on an
extremely sweet motorcycle. Jealous?) I apparently started to raise morale and kinda get these people all worked up, 'cause that's what I do. I get people worked up. Just ask my coworkers. I finally make my way to the last little outpost before reaching the actual water-hording complex, and there all of the people I've met so far amassed themselves for some sort of rebellion.
Man I'm awesome.
I head in first and scout out this base, which turns out to be a huge complex, and only pseudo-futuristic. My dreams don't over do it, I suppose. Anyway, this place was lodged between several of the tallest peaks in the area, which I imagine(d) lent itself nicely to any kind of water-collecting contraptions they had developed. And they specifically did not have motorcycles. I guess that made me the coolest, not that there was ever really any question. As I was tearing around this techno-campus, I found that there was a back area that didn't really touch the ground (the ground was uneven, and they really only needed it to be high-up anyway). Naturally, being as observant as I am, I found a way in from this location that would allow us to ransack the place. Awesome.
I return, rally up the people, and we all head out to the complex where the water was stored. When we all got there (I took my time on my motorcycle), everyone just kind of crowded into the back area and two other guys, my right hand men in this scenario, set up three heavy bomb-like devices. Now, our intent was not to kill anybody, just to blast out the water-bearing portions of this place. And for whatever reason, this location people had the worst surveillance/security ever. Either that or I had already neutralized that issue earlier. Which would make me more bad-ass, so I assume thats what actually happened. Anywho, here we all are, crammed up in the facility, and I'm the only one armed. With a sweet gun. And golden bullets. Or at least really shiny and gold colored. Shut up.
Apparently at this point I gave the native people a really long speech about how this wasn't going to fix everything, that these people had to work together to keep this from happeneing again, and that it would be toilsome work to cultivate this area, because later on some people made reference to my speech. I only slightly remember it. What I remember most was telling all of these people to back up, 'cause seriously, I was about to shoot a bomb. You don't really want to stand there for that. I had a really hard time getting people to back up. For whatever reason, they didn't seem to grasp the point of "this will melt your face off." Anyway, I got them somewhat further back, and then let them know that once I shot, they had very little time to run the heck out of there before everything went crazytown.
So this part was pretty sweet: I went back into first-person mode (this dream kept going form 1st to 3rd a lot. It was nuts), lined up the shot, gave everyone a final warning, and fired. Only instead of actually setting the bombs off, the bullet struck the middle bomb, cracked the hull, ricocheted off, struck the bomb next to it, cracked that hull, ricocheted off of some very convenient metal wall overhang next to it, and then finally re-struck the first bomb, embedding itself and setting off the fuse (apparently the casing was some kinda of fuse that set when it was shot. My dream technology is awesome). As everyone turned to book out I stumbled and fell, only to find that I hadn't stumbled, but had been tackled. Three agents or whatever of this place had taken me down, and handcuffed me hardcore, then dragged me by the handcuffs as they ran from the eminent explosion. And explode it did. Not that I got to enjoy it as I was carted off to be imprisoned.
These numbskulls seriously interrogated me till my ears bled, and all I could think the whole time was "Heck with you guys, I did what was right. I shouldn't be imprisoned for anything!" and I got all worked up. You would to. But all of a sudden, it was like I realized I was in a normal interrogation room in a normal world, and had been taken here in the back of a normal police cruiser and was upseting my actual family, and all I could say then was "Wait a minute, you can't seriously try me for what I did in a dream! I was only dreaming that!" Yeah, that's right. I realized it was a dream in my dream, and then used that dream to defend myself in my dream. But the cops responded that it didn't matter if it was a dream, I had done it anyway, so I was guilty as charged.
Man that pissed me off.
My dreams seriously rock.
